Snarky ColdWinter #2

[fist_of_hydra]

The team had been arguing for a while now, and getting nowhere. They'd narrowed Savage's location down to Italy in September of 1944, but couldn't get any farther than that. James thought he had a pretty good guess what Savage wanted - this was where HYDRA had most of their facilities, and the Red Skull would be the perfect ally to Savage.

The only people who would have any further intelligence about Savage's possible movements were the Allied or Axis forces. Neither were going to hand the information over to a bunch of strangers. Ray wanted to play dress up and march in, pretend to be an officer and demand the information. Sara wanted to go in at night and steal it. There were half a dozen other ideas floating around, and all of them were bad. Quite a few of them were likely to get them shot at.

Ray might be onto something, though. At least, if you turned your head and looked at the idea sideways. Trying to march in and claim to be an officer nobody in the camp had ever seen was asking for a swift visit from the MPs.

Marching in and claiming to be an officer everyone in the camp had seen was another matter.

James had been lurking by the doorway, as was his habit, rather than sitting around the table with the others. He hadn't been contributing, so he was able to slip out without inciting comment. Once in the hall, he strode toward the fabrication room. "Gideon. Do you have any footage or photos of me in uniform in this time period?"

"Of course, Mr. Barnes."

"Good. I need a copy made, and make sure it looks worn and used. Can you do that?"

"Certainly."

"Then do it." James strode into the fabrication area, where a uniform was already synthesizing. He paused, looking at it, and rubbed a hand over the scruff on his chin.

Five minutes later he strode back toward the main room. It felt odd to be back in this uniform. Gideon had even managed to make it smell right - which was to say, like blood and gunpowder and harsh lye soap. Even stranger was not feeling his hair brushing against his cheeks and neck. He hadn't had short hair since HYDRA took him, and he found he already missed it long.

This wasn't him, anymore. It felt like the ghost of Bucky Barnes was riding his shoulders, and the weight was pressing him down.

"...are we supposed to do, walk in and ask them nicely?" Sara was saying, her tone full of exasperation as she threw her hands up at Ray.

"That's exactly what we're gonna do." James rose his voice enough to cut through the babble. Everyone turned to look at him, and most of them did a wide-eyed double-take. He raised an eyebrow at them. "It's just a matter of the right person doing the asking."

Comments

[coldlenny]

She sighed, and slipped the gun into her holster. There was little hint of her doubt remaining, but she still didn't seem fully convinced. "Bucky... show me. It's the only way I can be sure. You're asking me to lie to Steve for the rest of my life, and you still haven't told me what would be so damaging about him finding out about this. He's not stupid. He's as capable of understanding about not changing the future as I am, and all you've said is that you're from the future, and you need to kill Savage or HYDRA will take over the world. That's not enough."

[fist_of_hydra]

With the gun away he was able to relax marginally. Even though he knew he could handle it if she had fired on him, there was still always that edge of uncertainty.

Instead of taking her onto the ship, he unbuttoned his dark jacket and shrugged it off, then yanked the shirt beneath over his head. With his torso bare, the metal arm gleamed bright in the sun. The massive scarring around his shoulder was equally obvious, as ugly as the arm itself was beautiful, in a deadly way.

"Take a look," he invited her, unwinding the bandages from around his hand. "You know damn well we couldn't build anything like this. Not even Stark is anywhere near this kind of tech. I lose the arm a couple months from now. Thing is, at the time, everyone assumed I died. Now you know I didn't. And that's what you're gonna have to lie to Steve about."

He watched her closely, his jaw tight, shoulders tense, flexing his metal fingers in an absent gesture. "You're gonna have to look him in the eye when he's devastated and anguished. You're gonna know I'm out there, alive and bleeding out from a mangled arm. You're gonna know that HYDRA will find me. And you won't tell him. Because if you do, if he has even the slightest hope that I'm not dead, he'll go out there looking for me. You know he will. He won't let anything stop him. If he takes so much as thirty seconds longer to go after the Skull's final base, he'll miss getting on that plane and the Skull will get his bombs out to the world. And we will lose this war."

[coldlenny]

And now she knew. The horror dawned in her eyes as she looked at the metal arm and finally believed. She stepped closer, reached out with trembling fingers to touch the arm, as if needing to be sure that it was real.

"...Bucky... You're telling the truth." She bit her lip, looking up at him. "Very well. I understand."

[fist_of_hydra]

James let her close, let her run her fingers over the hard surface, even though he'd never before voluntarily allowed anyone but Len to touch it. He knew she needed the contact to believe it was real.

"James," he corrected her, his voice taking on a rough note. "It's James, now. Bucky Barnes died in 1944. Don't get any ideas about saving me, either. Don't try to stop me, and don't ever go looking for me. Understand? If I wanted to change what happened to me, all I'd need to do is go break his legs, keep him - me - from going on that mission. I had a rough time of it, but if I don't go through that, I won't get to where I am now. And I want to be here."

[coldlenny]

Len came out from hiding and walked towards them, hands in his pockets, deceptively casual. He looked down at the hand on James' hand, and then up at her again. Peggy's eyes shifted to his, a little furrow appearing between her brows.

"James, then," she said, and offered her hand to Len. "I don't believe I've had the pleasure."

He clasped it, fingers cool against hers. "Leonard," he said simply, and glanced up at James. "He's never mentioned you," he added coolly, returning his gaze to hers. "You're going to keep this quiet, aren't you?"

She sighed, withdrawing her hand with a look of distaste, and casting a confused look at James before answering. "Yes, of course I will. I understand - there's no way Steve wouldn't go after you. But James, are you sure? If I try to find you, after the Skull is taken care of..."

[fist_of_hydra]

"No." That came out harsher than he'd meant it to. Taking a deep breath, James let it back out and tried to release some of his tension along with it. "I told you. If anything changes, I won't end up here. This is where I want to be."

He shifted his eyes to his lover as he said the next words, his gaze intense. "As hellish as it was - and there were times I was pretty sure I had to be in Hell - it was worth it. All of it."

Then he elbowed Len sharply in the midsection. With his metal arm, which had a very solid, pointy elbow. "Thanks for making it sound like she wasn't important enough for me to bother mentioning. I haven't mentioned any of the other Commandos either, asshole."

[coldlenny]

Len 'oof'ed a bit when James elbowed him, and took a step back, rubbing his stomach, but still smirking. "Just having a little fun."

Peggy looked baffled, but nodded. "I'll respect your wishes, James."

[fist_of_hydra]

There were so many more things James wanted to say to her. First and foremost, 'Stop fucking around and screw him already, you'll regret every wasted moment later'. The problem was finding a way to do it that wouldn't warn her of Steve's 'death'.

She might be willing to let him 'die', but Steve? He wasn't sure she could resist preventing Steve from dying. And if she did find a way, the world would be lost to, of all things, aliens, because Steve wouldn't be fresh from the ice and still and full fighting strength to stop them.

Or to stop Insight, or... yeah, there was no way to get around the need for Steve Rogers to sleep for seventy years. Much as Steve might resent it when he found out James could have changed things for him.

"Don't waste time, Peggy," he finally settled on. "There's never enough of it. The things you put off for 'later' turn into 'too late' way too fucking fast. Whether you've got one year left or a hundred, that's always true."

After a brief moment's pause, he asked, "What gave me away, anyhow? I thought I played it pretty well. What'd I miss?"

[coldlenny]

Len could tell Peggy didn't like him, and he was fine with that. He'd have grabbed James and PDA'd the shit out of him, just to stake his claim, but he wasn't sure how that'd go over in this time period for the real Bucky Barnes, so he had instead settled for just being a bit of a jerk.

But he sort of regretted it now, seeing the gentle look of caring on her face as she looked up at James and considered the answer to his question. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "You didn't flirt with me, at all," she said.

[fist_of_hydra]

"Flirt with you?" He stared at her, the look on his face somewhere between offense and distaste. No matter how he tried to wrap his brain around the sentence, he couldn't force it to make sense.

Oh, he knew he'd been quite the ladies' man back then. He vaguely remembered taking a different girl out every weekend, and taking quite a few of them home for the night after, too. None of them had left a strong enough impression for him to recall specifics, not without something to prompt him.

Carter was different. "You were Steve's girl. I poached on my best friend's girl? I was the kind of guy who could do that?" And here he'd thought all this time that Bucky was the decent half of him.

[coldlenny]

Len sighed through his nose. Peggy looked taken aback, but of course she didn't know that he really didn't remember a lot of his old life.

He put a hand on James' arm, attracting his attention. "Don't be such a prude about it. Just because you were a flirt, doesn't mean you were trying to cheat. There's a difference between having fun and going after someone who's off limits."

"He's right," Peggy said. "You'd never have made a serious overture, of course. I don't think your interest in me has ever been anything more than casual. It was just... in your nature." Her eyebrows pinched with worry. "I don't understand. You don't remember this?"

[fist_of_hydra]

Glancing up at Len, James studied his expression to assess sincerity. It was true that Len often still flirted with people - especially the Flash - but he'd always assured James that it didn't mean anything. So if Steve had known about and been okay with James flirting with Peggy, it must have been all right.

Shaking his head, he sighed. "All right, then. Good." He looked back at Peggy, the weight of the world showing in his eyes. "There's a lot of things I don't remember. And even more things that have changed. I'm not the same guy anymore." Nor did he want to be. That was part of the reason he'd switched the name he used, though only part of it. He was who he was, not a ghost or a memory.

It was also part of why he still didn't spend much time with Steve, but that wasn't something he wanted to go into with Peggy. "I'll tell you why if you really wanna know... but trust me, you don't."

[coldlenny]

Len looked back at him, slightly impatient. He wasn't about to apologize for being flirtatious, and this was a somewhat irritating personality quirk of his otherwise fairly flawless lover. Peggy watched something pass between them, and her eyes widened slightly.

"Yes... I can see some things have definitely changed," she said, casting a pensive glance at Len. "No, perhaps it's best if you don't give me all of the details." She looked pained. "You know that I care for you, James."

[fist_of_hydra]

The half-glare from Len didn't go unnoticed by James, either. He shrugged at the other man. He wasn't going to apologize for being who he was, either. James had his issues, so did Len. So far they'd managed to keep working it out, and he fully intended to continue doing so.

He'd make it up to his lover later. Soon, hopefully, because he desperately wanted to wash the too-familiar stink of 1944 off of him, preferably by burying himself in the taste and scent and feel of Len instead.

Right now he still had to deal with Peggy. He could tell she was suspicious, and he definitely recalled there being a lot of prejudices against men together, back before HYDRA. He met her look with a challenging one of his own, daring her to judge him for the one scrap of happiness he'd claimed as his own.

Her words made him soften a little, though. "I know. I care about you, too, and not just 'cause you're Steve's girl. I'm okay. Better than okay, now. And heading upward. That's why I don't want to risk losing it."

[coldlenny]

Peggy nodded and reached for James again, taking his flesh hand in both of her own. "I'm glad to hear it. And ultimately, that's all that matters." She leaned closer and gave him a peck on the cheek, gentle and sad.

Then she directed a Look at Len. "And you, sir, had better do right by him."

Len smirked lazily. "You've got nothing to worry about."

[fist_of_hydra]

Yep, she'd definitely figured it out. And didn't appear upset about it, at least. Screw it, then. If she wasn't going to go report his younger self for 'conduct unbecoming a gentleman', he wanted the Goddamn physical contact.

So when she let go of his hand he reached out and caught Len's instead. "Don't go dropping any hints to Bucky that you 'know'," he told her wryly, watching her gaze drop to their twined fingers. "You'll just freak him out. He's - I'm - still in denial."

It was difficult to think of the man out there right that moment as him. Not only were his memories of the time fuzzy, he imagined that anyone who could stand beside themselves would have a hard time processing it.

[coldlenny]

Now it was James who was subjected to the Look. "What do you take me for, Barnes? Honestly."

Len snorted with laughter. "All right, then are we done here? Everything's all happy and forgiven, and you can go back to camp, now?"

Peggy sighed and nodded. "Yes, of course. I should allow you to get back to your mission." She looked up at James. "Thank you for telling me the truth."

[fist_of_hydra]

Once again James smiled. Not much more than a quirk of the lips, but even that wasn't something he did anymore for anyone but Len. Smirked sometimes, yes. Expressions that looked like a smile but could only be described as grim or dark, absolutely. But a genuine smile? Peggy had no idea how rare that was.

And would be horrified if she did realize, probably.

"Thanks for not shooting first and asking questions later," he replied, tone dry but no longer gruff or unsteady. "I'm sorry you're gonna have to do this. I promise you, it is worth it. For me, at least. And it's my choice." He shook his head. "Even if I'd known what was coming, even if I didn't know I'd end up happy with how it fell out... I'd still have chosen to go with Steve, to be there at his back while I could be. Tell him that, when it happens. It won't help much, but even a little is something."

[coldlenny]

"I will tell him."

She nodded, and her eyes were somewhat misty. Still, she squared her shoulders. "Well then. Be well, Sergeant. I'll be off." With that farewell, she turned and headed back into the trees alone.

Len watched her go, then glanced up at James, fingers tightening. "Need a minute?"

[fist_of_hydra]

Blowing out a hard breath, James nodded. He was trembling again, all the weight of the last few hours crashing down on him at once. Taking a couple steps back, dragging Len along with him, he leaned against the invisible side of the ship for support.

Then he drew Len in close, wrapping his arms around the other man. "It's so damn tempting," he admitted, his voice rough. "Stop myself from going on the mission - hell, tell her where to find me after the war is over, I'd still be mostly okay. If I could find any way to do it that wouldn't mean losing you... fuck Hunter and his rules, I'd do it."

[coldlenny]

Len wrapped his arms around James and held him close, feeling him trembling. He wasn't good with emotions, but he could certainly hold James while he felt them.

He couldn't imagine how James could even willingly do this. "You should do it," he said, though his voice was rough and his arms tightened. "You know that, right? If you were saved from HYDRA, you wouldn't need an old crook like me. You'd have some beautiful blonde and a white picket fence in no time."

[fist_of_hydra]

"I know. I didn't stop you from stealing that emerald, did I? Fuck, I helped you do it. I knew what it would mean." If Len's old man hadn't dragged him into the criminal life, what would Len have become? Something amazing, probably, with that incredible mind of his. He could plan the shit out of anything.

If he hadn't been a criminal, James would never have met him casing the bank. And there was nobody else out there like Len, nobody. Someone who could understand and appreciate both the darker and lighter sides of James?

But James hadn't hesitated, because Len Goddamn deserved a life where he wasn't beaten and used like a tool. This was no different.

[coldlenny]

It hurt to consider it. Len didn't tend to be selfless. But here he was, anyway, trying to convince James to leave him.

"Then why don't you?" he demanded. "Maybe the future wants to happen, but at least there's a chance. You've been through a hundred times worse than I ever did, and you deserve better."

[fist_of_hydra]

"Because then I wouldn't be me!" James burst out, glaring at him. The anger was a thin and not very effective veneer over anguish and doubt. "I'd be him. Bucky. And yeah, maybe he deserves better, maybe I do, but I'm me and I want to stay me! You know that, you know that's why I avoid Steve, because he'd want to turn me back into Bucky."

His chest was heaving with emotion, great gasps for air, and his shivering had nothing to do with cold. He didn't cry anymore, wasn't sure it was something he was still capable of, but his eyes burned with the dryness.

"I want to be here, now, doing this. As me. With you. That means he has to die. To avoid that, for him to live, I'd have to die."

[coldlenny]

Len went still, realizing he'd fucked up, and maybe fucked up badly. He had no attachment to the man that James had been, and was sure that that man wouldn't have wanted Len. But to Len that didn't mean that they were different people - no more than the innocent child Leo he had talked to was a different person. They had both been through hell and come out changed, but the person they had been before shaped who they were now just as much as the pain had.

He knew he didn't get it, but that didn't actually matter. What mattered was that James felt that way. He tightened his grip, helpless to soothe James' distress. "If you wanna be here now with me, then that's where you should be," he said gruffly, confused and uncertain, but doing his best to be supportive.