Snarky ColdWinter #2

[fist_of_hydra]

The team had been arguing for a while now, and getting nowhere. They'd narrowed Savage's location down to Italy in September of 1944, but couldn't get any farther than that. James thought he had a pretty good guess what Savage wanted - this was where HYDRA had most of their facilities, and the Red Skull would be the perfect ally to Savage.

The only people who would have any further intelligence about Savage's possible movements were the Allied or Axis forces. Neither were going to hand the information over to a bunch of strangers. Ray wanted to play dress up and march in, pretend to be an officer and demand the information. Sara wanted to go in at night and steal it. There were half a dozen other ideas floating around, and all of them were bad. Quite a few of them were likely to get them shot at.

Ray might be onto something, though. At least, if you turned your head and looked at the idea sideways. Trying to march in and claim to be an officer nobody in the camp had ever seen was asking for a swift visit from the MPs.

Marching in and claiming to be an officer everyone in the camp had seen was another matter.

James had been lurking by the doorway, as was his habit, rather than sitting around the table with the others. He hadn't been contributing, so he was able to slip out without inciting comment. Once in the hall, he strode toward the fabrication room. "Gideon. Do you have any footage or photos of me in uniform in this time period?"

"Of course, Mr. Barnes."

"Good. I need a copy made, and make sure it looks worn and used. Can you do that?"

"Certainly."

"Then do it." James strode into the fabrication area, where a uniform was already synthesizing. He paused, looking at it, and rubbed a hand over the scruff on his chin.

Five minutes later he strode back toward the main room. It felt odd to be back in this uniform. Gideon had even managed to make it smell right - which was to say, like blood and gunpowder and harsh lye soap. Even stranger was not feeling his hair brushing against his cheeks and neck. He hadn't had short hair since HYDRA took him, and he found he already missed it long.

This wasn't him, anymore. It felt like the ghost of Bucky Barnes was riding his shoulders, and the weight was pressing him down.

"...are we supposed to do, walk in and ask them nicely?" Sara was saying, her tone full of exasperation as she threw her hands up at Ray.

"That's exactly what we're gonna do." James rose his voice enough to cut through the babble. Everyone turned to look at him, and most of them did a wide-eyed double-take. He raised an eyebrow at them. "It's just a matter of the right person doing the asking."

Comments

[fist_of_hydra]

A job? Why the hell had he needed a job if Steve was alive and clearly still doing his hero thing? Had they had a falling out?

Shit, was Steve upset about him being with a guy? Bucky didn't want to believe that was possible, that his friend would be that closed-minded. Steve had accepted Arnie, why would he reject Bucky?

Worse, he couldn't ask. If that was the reason, he didn't want to know, because it would change how he viewed Steve now. Though, on the same tack, if he didn't know it wasn't the reason, he'd always wonder and that would change things, too.

Damn it, he had to know. "Did Steve and I fall out? Is that why I needed a job? Please tell me it's not because I'm with you, I can't believe he'd do that."

[coldlenny]

Len blinked at the question, then sighed and shook his head. "It's not what you're thinking. No, you didn't have a falling out and you wanting a job with me wasn't because of anything wrong between you and Rogers."

It was a lie by some definitions, but thankfully, Len was a good liar.

[fist_of_hydra]

Bucky wasn't sure he believed the reassurance, but he decided he would believe it, regardless. He needed to. And truly, he had more faith in Steve than that.

"All done, Sergeant Barnes," the pleasant female voice that came out of nowhere declared. Hesitantly Bucky wiggled his toes, and was astonished when they moved with no trace of pain.

In fact, nothing hurt, anywhere on his body. If this was future medicine, it was absolutely incredible. He pushed off the bed and to his feet, and didn't so much as wobble as his soles hit the ground.

"I've taken the liberty of fabricating you some period-accurate footwear, Sergeant," the unseen woman said.

"Uh... yeah. Thanks," Bucky said, awkward. "So, what now? I pull my fake boots on and march back to the others, try to forget this ever happened?"

Until whatever the fuck it was, happened.

[coldlenny]

Len cocked his head. He could tell Bucky was unsure whether to believe him, but there was nothing more he could really do to reassure him. Besides, one of the rules of grifting - talk, but not too much.

"That's probably best for everyone," he said, spreading his hands. "If you come with us after Savage, more things might change. You'll need to act like you never met us."

[fist_of_hydra]

"In other words, I need to lie to Steve." The thought sat very badly with Bucky. Honesty meant a lot to Steve, and he and Bucky had always been as honest as they could be with each other.

Not telling his best friend about all this was unthinkable. But Bucky wasn't stupid, and he got why the subterfuge would be necessary.

Didn't mean he had to like it.

"I assume you can't just erase my memories of all this or something, or you'd have done it already," he sighed. He pulled on the shoes the invisible woman had somehow put on a shelf in the wall while he wasn't looking. They fit perfectly, and were even battered and broken in the way his old ones had been. It was kind of creepy.

((I'm thinking once he leaves, Len goes back to his room and we deal with James being afraid Len wishes he was more like Bucky, they have sex, and that'll be it ^_^))

[coldlenny]

"Sorry," Len said wryly. "Not aware of a way to wipe your memory, and if we did, it very well might still fuck things up. You'll be better off remembering."

He watched Bucky put on his shoes, and then stepped back. "You know the way?"

[fist_of_hydra]

"Yeah." Though Bucky had no doubt somebody would be watching as he left, to make sure he did. Sighing, he rubbed a hand over his face, still pretty much in shock over the whole thing.

"Thanks. I mean I guess technically I wouldn't have ended up getting captured again in the first place if you hadn't come along and..." What was that phrase they'd used? "And disrupted the timeline. So maybe I shouldn't be thanking you for saving me. But you did, so I am."

He gave Len an awkward sort of half salute, then headed out of the ship.

In their room, James had been watching the whole exchange on a monitor, thanks to a quick demand to Gideon. Seeing Len interact with his former self made him feel strange, almost sick.

They made a good pair. Bucky, with his clean-cut good looks and wry sense of humour that was actually a pretty decent match for Len's, seemed like a far better choice compared to James.

One of the things he'd always been grateful for with Len was that his lover hadn't known his past self, wouldn't be comparing James to that younger version. Now that was no longer true.

And James was terrified he might come up wanting in Len's eyes, now.

[coldlenny]

Len shrugged. "You're welcome," he said ironically, and watched Bucky go. Unaware of his boyfriend's regard, he leaned against the bed for a few moments and considered the last few hours.

It was interesting to get to know the past version of his lover's self. It certainly gave him context, and he appreciated the opportunity to have spent so much time with Bucky - though he wasn't sure those insights were worth the real damage it had done to James.

Speaking of which, he wondered where James had gotten off to.

He wandered out of the infirmary before Gideon could ask him if he was sick, and then asked Gideon where James was. Having been informed that James was in their shared room, he sauntered in that direction and into the room, his eyes immediately seeking James. "How're you feeling?"

[fist_of_hydra]

James had shut off the viewscreen once Len left the infirmary. He was now tucked up on a corner of their bunk, rifle parts spread over his lap as he took it apart and cleaned it, as if he hadn't been doing anything else since he'd left.

"Fine. I'll be glad to get the fuck out of here. Serum and arm are back." He flexed his once-again-metal hand for emphasis.

Unfortunately, Len knew him well enough that the wire-tight tension in his muscles would give him away, even if his lover somehow didn't notice the subtle trembling of his right hand as he worked with the parts.

[coldlenny]

Len allowed the relief to show on his face, even if it was only just a little. He crossed the room and leaned against the raised bed, leaning into James.

Yes, he had seen the tension, the trembling.

"So what's wrong?" he asked. He figured all this had to be hard for James - maybe it was just the emotional distress of the whole thing catching up to him. But it could be something more, and either way, Len wanted to know.

[fist_of_hydra]

If anyone else had dared to invade his space like that when he was so wired, James probably would have taken their head off. Like so many of his personal rules, Len was the exception to this one, too.

Blowing out a harsh breath, James shifted subtly so some of his weight was leaning into Len in turn, grateful for the contact. But even that wasn't enough to make the rockets in his gut stop firing off and going in all directions.

"Does something have to be wrong?" He knew he wasn't doing a very good job of being convincing, but he wasn't sure he could put this worry into words.

Or worse, what if putting it into words made it real? What if it wasn't just all in his head?

[coldlenny]

"Doesn't seem like it," Len said smoothly, not yet rising to the bait. "You've got your strength and arm back, so you've ensured your past self would wind up getting captured by HYDRA - which you said you wanted." Because he'd said being with Len was worth it - was the unspoken addition.

"But somehow, it seems like something's wrong anyway, so spill."

[fist_of_hydra]

Damn it, why was Len so stupidly good at reading people? James did inscrutable with the best of them, but Len could see right through him.

Not that he'd have it any other way.

Growling, he leaned back against the wall, shifting away from Len again. He couldn't meet his lover's eyes, and his voice was gruffer than usual when he spoke. "What'd you think of him? Me. Younger me."

[coldlenny]

In Len's defense, James was being a little more obvious than usual.

"L'il old Bucky bear?" Len asked jovially, leaning back a little. "He's cute as a button, and just as much of a stubborn pain in the ass as he'll grow up to be when he's you. Why?"

[fist_of_hydra]

The description made James scowl, annoyed. "Cute?" he repeated, disbelieving.

Then again, by comparison, he supposed his charming and innocent younger self did come of as a sort of adorable. Like the Flash, all well-meaning and shiny-eyed.

Shaking that off, he shrugged one shoulder, trying to pretend it didn't bother him. "Seemed like the two of you got pretty close. He was trusting you a lot, there."

[coldlenny]

There was silence for a few beats. James was saying weird things, and pretending that it didn't matter - which meant it mattered a whole lot.

Len just looked at him levelly, and arched a brow, his lips twisting wryly to one side. "You gonna ask me what you actually want to know, or just pussy around it for a while longer?"

[fist_of_hydra]

More silence reigned, as James struggled to put his feelings into words. Hell, he struggled just to say anything about it at all. His instinct was to pull in on himself, shrug it off, refuse to talk about it. Emotional sharing would never be his thing.

Wasn't Len's, either, but neither of them was stupid. James knew this was the sort of thing that could fester, badly, if he let it.

"He'd... fit better with you. Than I do. Personality wise, I mean." While his younger self would certainly have turned up his nose at the idea of being a thief, his relaxed and easy-going personality would have been a great match for Len's flamboyance and theatrics.

[coldlenny]

Len stared at him in utter disbelief. "How do you figure?"

He didn't even give James a chance to respond, shaking his head. "And even if that were true, so what? You think I'm gonna dump him for you? Come and live in the 40s with all the rest of the homophobic shitstains - which I include past you in that category, actually. He's pretty, I'll give you, but you look just as pretty and you have a lot of other qualities that I like a hell of a lot better."

[fist_of_hydra]

"No, you'd be fucking miserable in the 40s," James acknowledge wryly, finally looking at him. His eyes were haunted, dark with regret and fear. "I just mean... you know one of the reasons I avoid Steve is 'cause I hate how he looks at me. Like I can see the reflection of Bucky in his eyes, and I know he's wishing he could help me 'get better', be more like I was."

He shook his head, fists clenching. "I don't want to see you ever look at me like that. Like you're wishing I was more like him. And the thing is, you deserve someone more like him. Not a brooding, surly, antisocial asshole."

[coldlenny]

Len rolled his eyes. He understood James' fear, but he wasn't about to get all soppy about it, either. He just hopped up on the bed and kneed several gun parts out of the way, so he could wrap an arm around the other man and lean against him.

"Stop it, you're making me sick," he complained. "You wouldn't see me look like that, because I don't, at all wish you were him. You think I deserve to be with someone who's not a brooding, surly, antisocial asshole? Have you met Mick? I like those kinds of people. I like you, just as you are, so get with the program."

[fist_of_hydra]

The fear he'd felt when he'd realized Len had been taken by HYDRA might be gone now that his lover was rescued, but the sick feeling it created in his gut remained. Having Len curled up against him helped ease some of it.

His words helped ease more. James snorted in reluctant amusement, because he certainly couldn't argue that Len did seem to go for a type.

"It was hard to see him," he admitted, turning his head so he was muttering into Len's shoulder, not looking at him. "My old self. I knew I'd changed, but actually seeing him... he's like a completely different fucking person. It was creepy."

[coldlenny]

"I know the feeling," Len said. "Think about how talking to five-year-old me was like." He knew it wasn't the same, but minimizing it was his way of coping.

He tightened his arms around there and snuggled in. "What I don't get is why you're so goddamn down on the way you are right now. You're the guy I like. So you must have some good qualities."

[fist_of_hydra]

"Still pissed I missed out on that," James muttered, the corners of his lips tugging up in a reluctant smile. "I bet you were a fucking adorable rug rat."

He also would have had a few words of his own to say to Snart Sr. Maybe Len hadn't been intimidating enough to the guy to scare him straight, but James was willing to bet the Winter Soldier could have made a more lasting impression.

On the other hand, he wasn't sure he could have actually met the asshole responsible for creating all those scars that Len hated so much, and not put his hand through the guy's chest to rip his heart out. And then Lisa wouldn't have been born, and that would have been a fucking shame.

But all that was beside the point, and he knew it. He sighed. "I guess it just freaked me out, seeing the two of you together like that. I'm used to thinking of him as the 'better' me."

[coldlenny]

"Well, he's not. He was a pain in my ass most of the time," Len said with complete sincerity. "Sure, I was making sure he didn't get hurt - he's you. But we were never 'together'."

And now he was done with dealing with James' jealousy. He grabbed James by the hair and tugged his head around to kiss him, firmly and with passion.

[fist_of_hydra]

It wasn't jealousy... well, it was also that. But mostly it was fear that Len would find him, James, lacking in some way after meeting him, Bucky.

The kiss suggested that was anything but the truth, though. Though it had only been a few days of separation, James felt like it had been a year and he was dying for the taste of his lover.

He growled into the kiss, shifting to get a grip on Len's shoulder so he could roll them both over, uncaring that he was sending gun bits scattering everywhere. He ended up firmly on top of the other man, kneeling over him with his thigh wedged between Len's.

"You're mine," he asserted, his voice a low rumble in his chest. "I can't... fuck, I can't stand the idea of losing you. Of having you be disappointed that you're stuck with me. Because you are fucking stuck with me, I ain't going nowhere."