Snarky ColdWinter #2

[fist_of_hydra]

The team had been arguing for a while now, and getting nowhere. They'd narrowed Savage's location down to Italy in September of 1944, but couldn't get any farther than that. James thought he had a pretty good guess what Savage wanted - this was where HYDRA had most of their facilities, and the Red Skull would be the perfect ally to Savage.

The only people who would have any further intelligence about Savage's possible movements were the Allied or Axis forces. Neither were going to hand the information over to a bunch of strangers. Ray wanted to play dress up and march in, pretend to be an officer and demand the information. Sara wanted to go in at night and steal it. There were half a dozen other ideas floating around, and all of them were bad. Quite a few of them were likely to get them shot at.

Ray might be onto something, though. At least, if you turned your head and looked at the idea sideways. Trying to march in and claim to be an officer nobody in the camp had ever seen was asking for a swift visit from the MPs.

Marching in and claiming to be an officer everyone in the camp had seen was another matter.

James had been lurking by the doorway, as was his habit, rather than sitting around the table with the others. He hadn't been contributing, so he was able to slip out without inciting comment. Once in the hall, he strode toward the fabrication room. "Gideon. Do you have any footage or photos of me in uniform in this time period?"

"Of course, Mr. Barnes."

"Good. I need a copy made, and make sure it looks worn and used. Can you do that?"

"Certainly."

"Then do it." James strode into the fabrication area, where a uniform was already synthesizing. He paused, looking at it, and rubbed a hand over the scruff on his chin.

Five minutes later he strode back toward the main room. It felt odd to be back in this uniform. Gideon had even managed to make it smell right - which was to say, like blood and gunpowder and harsh lye soap. Even stranger was not feeling his hair brushing against his cheeks and neck. He hadn't had short hair since HYDRA took him, and he found he already missed it long.

This wasn't him, anymore. It felt like the ghost of Bucky Barnes was riding his shoulders, and the weight was pressing him down.

"...are we supposed to do, walk in and ask them nicely?" Sara was saying, her tone full of exasperation as she threw her hands up at Ray.

"That's exactly what we're gonna do." James rose his voice enough to cut through the babble. Everyone turned to look at him, and most of them did a wide-eyed double-take. He raised an eyebrow at them. "It's just a matter of the right person doing the asking."

Comments

[fist_of_hydra]

James had shut off the viewscreen once Len left the infirmary. He was now tucked up on a corner of their bunk, rifle parts spread over his lap as he took it apart and cleaned it, as if he hadn't been doing anything else since he'd left.

"Fine. I'll be glad to get the fuck out of here. Serum and arm are back." He flexed his once-again-metal hand for emphasis.

Unfortunately, Len knew him well enough that the wire-tight tension in his muscles would give him away, even if his lover somehow didn't notice the subtle trembling of his right hand as he worked with the parts.

[coldlenny]

Len allowed the relief to show on his face, even if it was only just a little. He crossed the room and leaned against the raised bed, leaning into James.

Yes, he had seen the tension, the trembling.

"So what's wrong?" he asked. He figured all this had to be hard for James - maybe it was just the emotional distress of the whole thing catching up to him. But it could be something more, and either way, Len wanted to know.

[fist_of_hydra]

If anyone else had dared to invade his space like that when he was so wired, James probably would have taken their head off. Like so many of his personal rules, Len was the exception to this one, too.

Blowing out a harsh breath, James shifted subtly so some of his weight was leaning into Len in turn, grateful for the contact. But even that wasn't enough to make the rockets in his gut stop firing off and going in all directions.

"Does something have to be wrong?" He knew he wasn't doing a very good job of being convincing, but he wasn't sure he could put this worry into words.

Or worse, what if putting it into words made it real? What if it wasn't just all in his head?

[coldlenny]

"Doesn't seem like it," Len said smoothly, not yet rising to the bait. "You've got your strength and arm back, so you've ensured your past self would wind up getting captured by HYDRA - which you said you wanted." Because he'd said being with Len was worth it - was the unspoken addition.

"But somehow, it seems like something's wrong anyway, so spill."

[fist_of_hydra]

Damn it, why was Len so stupidly good at reading people? James did inscrutable with the best of them, but Len could see right through him.

Not that he'd have it any other way.

Growling, he leaned back against the wall, shifting away from Len again. He couldn't meet his lover's eyes, and his voice was gruffer than usual when he spoke. "What'd you think of him? Me. Younger me."

[coldlenny]

In Len's defense, James was being a little more obvious than usual.

"L'il old Bucky bear?" Len asked jovially, leaning back a little. "He's cute as a button, and just as much of a stubborn pain in the ass as he'll grow up to be when he's you. Why?"

[fist_of_hydra]

The description made James scowl, annoyed. "Cute?" he repeated, disbelieving.

Then again, by comparison, he supposed his charming and innocent younger self did come of as a sort of adorable. Like the Flash, all well-meaning and shiny-eyed.

Shaking that off, he shrugged one shoulder, trying to pretend it didn't bother him. "Seemed like the two of you got pretty close. He was trusting you a lot, there."

[coldlenny]

There was silence for a few beats. James was saying weird things, and pretending that it didn't matter - which meant it mattered a whole lot.

Len just looked at him levelly, and arched a brow, his lips twisting wryly to one side. "You gonna ask me what you actually want to know, or just pussy around it for a while longer?"

[fist_of_hydra]

More silence reigned, as James struggled to put his feelings into words. Hell, he struggled just to say anything about it at all. His instinct was to pull in on himself, shrug it off, refuse to talk about it. Emotional sharing would never be his thing.

Wasn't Len's, either, but neither of them was stupid. James knew this was the sort of thing that could fester, badly, if he let it.

"He'd... fit better with you. Than I do. Personality wise, I mean." While his younger self would certainly have turned up his nose at the idea of being a thief, his relaxed and easy-going personality would have been a great match for Len's flamboyance and theatrics.

[coldlenny]

Len stared at him in utter disbelief. "How do you figure?"

He didn't even give James a chance to respond, shaking his head. "And even if that were true, so what? You think I'm gonna dump him for you? Come and live in the 40s with all the rest of the homophobic shitstains - which I include past you in that category, actually. He's pretty, I'll give you, but you look just as pretty and you have a lot of other qualities that I like a hell of a lot better."

[fist_of_hydra]

"No, you'd be fucking miserable in the 40s," James acknowledge wryly, finally looking at him. His eyes were haunted, dark with regret and fear. "I just mean... you know one of the reasons I avoid Steve is 'cause I hate how he looks at me. Like I can see the reflection of Bucky in his eyes, and I know he's wishing he could help me 'get better', be more like I was."

He shook his head, fists clenching. "I don't want to see you ever look at me like that. Like you're wishing I was more like him. And the thing is, you deserve someone more like him. Not a brooding, surly, antisocial asshole."

[coldlenny]

Len rolled his eyes. He understood James' fear, but he wasn't about to get all soppy about it, either. He just hopped up on the bed and kneed several gun parts out of the way, so he could wrap an arm around the other man and lean against him.

"Stop it, you're making me sick," he complained. "You wouldn't see me look like that, because I don't, at all wish you were him. You think I deserve to be with someone who's not a brooding, surly, antisocial asshole? Have you met Mick? I like those kinds of people. I like you, just as you are, so get with the program."

[fist_of_hydra]

The fear he'd felt when he'd realized Len had been taken by HYDRA might be gone now that his lover was rescued, but the sick feeling it created in his gut remained. Having Len curled up against him helped ease some of it.

His words helped ease more. James snorted in reluctant amusement, because he certainly couldn't argue that Len did seem to go for a type.

"It was hard to see him," he admitted, turning his head so he was muttering into Len's shoulder, not looking at him. "My old self. I knew I'd changed, but actually seeing him... he's like a completely different fucking person. It was creepy."

[coldlenny]

"I know the feeling," Len said. "Think about how talking to five-year-old me was like." He knew it wasn't the same, but minimizing it was his way of coping.

He tightened his arms around there and snuggled in. "What I don't get is why you're so goddamn down on the way you are right now. You're the guy I like. So you must have some good qualities."

[fist_of_hydra]

"Still pissed I missed out on that," James muttered, the corners of his lips tugging up in a reluctant smile. "I bet you were a fucking adorable rug rat."

He also would have had a few words of his own to say to Snart Sr. Maybe Len hadn't been intimidating enough to the guy to scare him straight, but James was willing to bet the Winter Soldier could have made a more lasting impression.

On the other hand, he wasn't sure he could have actually met the asshole responsible for creating all those scars that Len hated so much, and not put his hand through the guy's chest to rip his heart out. And then Lisa wouldn't have been born, and that would have been a fucking shame.

But all that was beside the point, and he knew it. He sighed. "I guess it just freaked me out, seeing the two of you together like that. I'm used to thinking of him as the 'better' me."

[coldlenny]

"Well, he's not. He was a pain in my ass most of the time," Len said with complete sincerity. "Sure, I was making sure he didn't get hurt - he's you. But we were never 'together'."

And now he was done with dealing with James' jealousy. He grabbed James by the hair and tugged his head around to kiss him, firmly and with passion.

[fist_of_hydra]

It wasn't jealousy... well, it was also that. But mostly it was fear that Len would find him, James, lacking in some way after meeting him, Bucky.

The kiss suggested that was anything but the truth, though. Though it had only been a few days of separation, James felt like it had been a year and he was dying for the taste of his lover.

He growled into the kiss, shifting to get a grip on Len's shoulder so he could roll them both over, uncaring that he was sending gun bits scattering everywhere. He ended up firmly on top of the other man, kneeling over him with his thigh wedged between Len's.

"You're mine," he asserted, his voice a low rumble in his chest. "I can't... fuck, I can't stand the idea of losing you. Of having you be disappointed that you're stuck with me. Because you are fucking stuck with me, I ain't going nowhere."

[coldlenny]

That was definitely not the case. Len grunted as James rolled them over and pressed him down, squirming and fighting the grip, but only for show. This time, he didn't mind James taking control.

He shook his head, smirking up at James. "Good thing you're stuck with me, too."

[fist_of_hydra]

The way Len writhed beneath him was anything but a protest. They both knew he could never break free if James didn't want to let go, and they also both knew James would release him the moment the struggle was real.

Trust. Everything was always about trust, for both of them. He trusted this man enough to bare everything to him. Everything, more than even Steve had seen of him.

He opened his mouth to say as much, but what spilled out was something else entirely. Something a lot mushier than he'd ever thought he would say. "I love you, you fucking asshole."

Okay. Mushy for him. Maybe not by 'normal' standards.

[coldlenny]

Len froze at the declaration, softened as it was by the rest of it. Somehow the rest of it just slammed into him anyway, making his lungs turn to solid ice and choking off his breath.

In a moment, his lungs got working again and he closed his eyes. "Oh man, why'd you have to do that? I love you, but don't make a big deal about it, okay?"

[fist_of_hydra]

Shit, had he fucked it up? James hadn't meant to say it, had known it might not be the right thing to say, considering the way they'd both avoided it up to this point. But he hadn't thought he would actually upset Len.

"Sorry," he muttered, and clung to the memory of Len saying it back. If only he could pluck it out of his head and put it straight into his journal, because words weren't even going to come close to the impact the memory would have on him.

He shifted to grind his thigh against Len's groin, hoping to distract his lover from the mistake. Running his hand down the other man's torso, he found the hem of his heavy sweater and started pushing up, wanting to damn well see for himself that his lover was unharmed.

[coldlenny]

Len twitched when James apologized. It wasn't James who'd fucked up - it was Len who'd had a little freakout just then, and he knew he'd made a mistake and James hadn't understood that he was just... just being Len.

He shook his head. "No don't." He caught James by the chin and forced his head up. "Don't apologize because I'm an asshole. Say it again. I'll do it right this time."

[fist_of_hydra]

James cocked his head, uncertain. His eyes scanned Len's expression, searching for some clue what the fuck he was supposed to do, here. "How are you an asshole? You're right, I shouldn't have made a big deal about it."

That wasn't how they worked. It wasn't how he worked, it's not like he'd ever said it before. Might never say it again. It had just... felt necessary, in that moment.

[coldlenny]

Len gritted his teeth. It was hard enough to ask the first time for James to give him another chance to make it right. He couldn't ask again. "Forget it," he murmured, and flashed a careless smirk, leaning in to steal another kiss.

[fist_of_hydra]

And apparently, he'd just made it worse instead of fixing it. James knew his lover well enough to realize that if it really didn't matter, Len would be laughing it off with a sly pun and a joke. The smirk he managed was rather spoiled by the tension in his jaw.

So he put his heart and soul into the kiss, pouring on the heat to try to thaw Len's tension. His partner might love the cold, but there had always been heat to spare between them.

As their tongues tangled, he ran his hands up under Len's sweater, sliding over the bumps and rough patches of scars, ghosting over the untouched areas, seeking out the places he knew Len liked to be touched. When they were finally forced to come up for air, he muttered, "I do, though. Love you. So you might hafta put up with hearing it once in a while."